


chasing silhouettes

by saplingsparrow



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: (not that sorry), Angst, F/F, Hurt but no comfort, I'm Sorry, Past Character Death, Whump, Wrote this instead of studying, hallucination, i do ship them i promise, i just want to destroy them too, like lots and lots of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 23:14:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16753306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saplingsparrow/pseuds/saplingsparrow
Summary: In which the Doctor really did mean one more regeneration.The Doctor sees a familiar face and the guilt all comes back to her.





	chasing silhouettes

**Author's Note:**

> So I felt like writing something depressing and this is what happened. Why do I always try to destroy the couples I ship???
> 
> Title taken from Up In Flames by Ruelle.

She catches a ghost in the corner of her eye. 

The corridors are empty, still, silent. It’s been many years since she stopped caring, many more since she left Ryan and Graham standing in shock outside their home. It’s been a long time since-

She stops herself. _Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it-_

She doesn’t want to remember. Those are the memories she keeps locked away, deep in the prison that is her mind. 

And then she sees her. 

Not a day older than when they last spoke. 

Her hair is wrapped in those complicated buns that she always loved, dark eyes gleaming in the bright lights, a radiant smile on her face. 

_Yasmin Khan._

One more person she couldn’t save. 

That day, that horrible painful bloody day that will never leave her. 

_Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think-_

Too late now, when she’s standing right in front of her. 

And then she looks down and doesn’t see golden light glimmering at her fingertips, and it all makes sense. She hoped it wouldn’t end like this, but of course it would. She never had forever. That was just a myth. A way to justify running headfirst into danger and pretending it didn’t mean a thing. She was the closest to immortal one could be and yet still retain their sanity. But everything ends. 

She scoffs. Her past words seem strange and naïve. Oh, she always knew she could never choose to die, not when the whole universe spread its arms before her. But maybe she did. No more regenerations. No more saving people who deserved it, and those who did not. No more fleeting love, blooming before the swift end that she brought about herself. 

_Yasmin Khan lying limp and grey, blood pooling beneath her, her eyes staring, unseeing-_

No more loss, remorse, guilt. No more pain. 

Her time is running out, she can feel it, the last grains of sand slipping through her hands. Just enough left.

She steps toward the shadow of her friend and strokes her cheek with her hand, her thumb tracing the edge of her cheekbone. The corners of her mouth twitch, desperate to use muscles that haven’t been used in years. Decades. 

“I always saw you as more than that, you know? You were so perfect. But you were so human, and fragile, and breakable. I should have been more _careful._ I should have told you how I felt, back when it mattered, back when you could hear me. Back when you were here.” 

The words taste bitter and unfamiliar on her tongue.

The girl tilts her head to one side. 

“I’m still here, Doctor. I always have been. But it’s time, now.”

“Time for what?”

“Time for us to go home.”

The Time Lord smiles again. 

“I suppose you’re right.”

She grips the girl’s hand. 

“I wish I could have seen them again, I really do. I left them when they needed me, left them to bury you.”

Her eyes are old, and the hurt of thousands of years rests uneasily within them. 

“I’m so sorry, Yaz. I should have done more, should have protected you, should have saved you.” 

“There was nothing that you could have done.” 

The dark begins to cloud her vision. She’s ready. 

“That’s not true. There’s always something more. So many people would still be alive if I hadn’t been so stupid, or trusting, or slow. The universe needed me, time after time, and I let them down. I let you all down.”

Her knees buckle. 

“I love you, Yasmin Khan.”

She slides into the black, gazing into those gentle brown eyes as she dies. 

The last face she will ever see. 

And finally, the Doctor rests.

**Author's Note:**

> I spent the past hour looking up synonyms for smile and listening to sad music instead of studying for my Physics test but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Please leave a kudos and/or your thoughts!


End file.
